You know you are a teacher if...

  • Marking all A's on report cards would make your life so much simpler.
  • When out in public you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.
  • You believe "extremely annoying" should have its own box on the report card.
  • You can't have children because there's no name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high bood pressure the moment you heard it uttered.
  • You encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling.
  • You encourage your spouse by telling them they are a "good helper".
  • You know one hundred good reasons for being late.
  • You refer to adults as "boys and girls".
  • You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never dream of doing your job.
  • You can hear 25 voices behind you and know exactly which one belongs to the child out of line.
  • You get a secret thrill out of laminating something.
  • You walk into a store and hear the words "Ms/Mr. _________" and know you have been spotted.
  • You have 25 people that accidentally call you Mom/Dad at one time or another.
  • You can eat a multi-course meal in under twenty-five minutes.
  • You've trained yourself to go to the bathroom at two distinct times of the day: lunch and prep period.
  • You start saving other people's trash, because most likely, you can use that toilet paper tube or plastic butter tub for something in the classroom.
  • You believe the teachers' lounge should be equipped with a margarita machine.
  • You want to slap the next person who says "Must be nice to work 7 to 3 and have summers off."
  • You believe chocolate is a food group.
  • You can tell if it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
  • You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
  • You feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior when you are out in public.
  • You believe in aerial spraying of Ritalin.
  • You think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.
  • You spend more money on school stuff than you do on your own children.
  • You can't pass the school supply aisle without getting at least five items!
  • You ask your friends if the left hand turn he just made was a "good choice or a bad choice."
  • You find true beauty in a can full of perfectly sharpened pencils.
  • You are secretly addicted to hand sanitizer.
  • You understand instantaneously why a child behaves a certain way after meeting his or her parents.